Going away from a place for a while always lets you see it more clearly when you come back. I’ve lived in Fresno for most of my life. It’s not as if it could surprise me. But having been away for six years, I find myself amazed at the blue October sky. Day after day. You almost feel as if you’re on a stage, and the curtains are open. All of eternity is looking in. All the stars, at night. The huge full moon a few nights ago. The curtains weren’t open that often in Oregon.
Of course, I’ve also been amazed at the hard, dry, caked dirt here in Fresno. Everywhere. So final and unaccommodating. You don’t even want to try to dig it up to plant anything. It glares at you, daring you to try. Oregon was not that way. You hardly saw the dirt because something was growing everywhere.
So, under the huge blue October sky, life has been going on. I’m aware of how Peter is going over into that age where his life becomes more and more a thing out of my control. It’s a scary feeling. You know, because as a mother you kind of get used to controlling. At least he isn’t interested in learning to drive yet.
And also under this October sky, life has stopped going on. My grandpa died on Friday. He was 99, and he hadn’t really been very mentally aware for quite a while. So it isn’t a sad death. But it is still death. It makes one think. About life, and faith and death and what comes after death, and about everything else under the sun. Perhaps one thinks about everything under the sun more in Fresno. One is under the sun more.
I would have been teaching as a substitute right now, but there weren’t any jobs available today. Or last week. It’s a bit of a concern. Not that I wouldn’t rather be here contemplating things than resignedly listening to 30 children chatter away because I don’t have very good classroom management skills. But there’s the little issue of money . . . But I have a cello student now. I enjoy teaching music lessons. I can manage one person at a time reasonably well.
Hm. I’m rambling. Jasmin, our dog, is sleeping peacefully beside me. So peacefully.
Perhaps I should go bother Peter and see if he’ll do some biology or algebra II.